Counselling in the Light of the Christian Gospel (1)

What is often missing in the counselling of those in trouble is an understanding of the larger context in which all counselling takes places. Deep realities revealed in the Christian Scriptures are at work whenever helping is undertaken.

These realities are more than doctrine--although doctrine is important and has its place; more than narrative--a common reduction of today--even though narrative has its place too. 

These realities of which I speak can only be understood as: the things that God has done, His mighty acts as Creator, Sustainer and Redeemer. God, the holy Trinity, made the creation and continues to sustain it by his mighty word of power.

Moreover, when our parents defied Him and were unfaithful to Him, He set about to rescue them, to save them from the penalty of sin that they had brought upon themselves.

He raised up a people to be a light to the nations and from that people He brought forth His unique Son, Jesus of Nazareth to be the saviour of the world. His death paid the penalty for our sin and his resurrection assured us that we have a future with Him in the new heavens and new earth.

All these mighty acts are revealed in the holy Scriptures and are witnessed to by the ecumenical creeds.

Moreover, these acts of God directly affect how we do counselling.

(For the counselling graphic above I acknowledge http://passionforpreaching.net ) 

Needs and Psychotherapy

It's fascinating the large part that the concept of 'need' plays in the psychological world these days along with the accompanying concepts of 'addiction' and 'recovery'.

'Need' has got completely out of hand so that we have about as many needs as once was said we had instincts. In fact, 'instincts' and 'needs' seem to be similar explanatory ideas from different eras.

All persons are said nowadays to have a set of universal needs -- shared by everyone else -- but the needs' lists themselves vary among themselves.

One authority says, 'Needs are more than the things we can't live without. They represent our values, wants, desires and preferences for a happier and/or more meaningful experience as a human'. According to this view, all humans have a common core of needs: when these needs are met, then positive feelings follow; when these are unmet, then negative feelings are experienced.

This understanding does not seem to reckon with the fact that some people's needs are not proper or legitimate. 

The 'need' for affluence is illegitimate because it fails to take account of the needs of others both present and in the future for a reasonable standard of living. However, over-riding even that consideration is the deeper religious issue that needs ideology seeks to find revelation for human living within the human person. Hence, in that respect it is humanistic and unchristian. Needs are important but they are not to be the drivers of human action, the oughts that push behaviour.

Christians find divine Revelation in the Word of God and as the community of Christ it positivises or gives concrete form to what it hears from the written, spoken and non-verbal Word (Ps 19.1-4).

Hidden Feelings & Their Consequences

Books can be divided into various categories somewhat like people we meet: some remain complete strangers, others mere acquaintances while others friends and still others close friends regardless of how often one sees them.

A long time ago I bought Self-Therapy: Techniques for Personal Growth by Muriel Schiffman (1967). Her work obviously arises from the 'humanistic' movement spawned by Abraham Maslow and later Carl Rogers which became the 'pop' psychology of the 1960s and beyond.

Although her general humanistic philosophy is not one I subscribe to yet I find myself often coming back to this book. Her book then is a 'friend' of mine. And it's easy to see why. My own experience forces me back to it.

Just recently, I slid into a strong, down mood. When I asked myself why I could see that it had arisen out of family communications where I had got quite narked by what had been said by others but had immediately 'sat' on my anger and gradually descended into depression.

Schiffman called emotions like anger 'hidden feelings' and the depression an 'inappropriate reaction'. Often we think that the depression or anxiety has just fallen on us from nowhere but in fact it has engulfed us because we have failed to face something we don't want to face.

She outlines four helpful ways of approaching such situations with the first one being to 'talk it out'. She noted that this approach is good if the situation is in the past. She described how she had heard some dancing music going in the lounge room while she was working in the kitchen which made her eager to dance. She was in the mood but her husband was lying on a couch and was obviously not with the beat at all. In fact, he decided to go outside and garden. Muriel was furious!!

The next day a friend calls and Muriel decided to talk with her about what happened. Muriel by now has realised that she was at fault in getting angry with her husband. (How would he know she wanted to dance? She hadn't told him!) 

This step then, is step 1: recognise an inappropriate reaction to something.

Step 2: feel the apparent emotion. Muriel then talked her way back into the anger she had felt the previous day.

When the feeling was strong again, she went to Step 3: what else did I feel? Interestingly, what she felt before the anger was 'feeling helpless, starved, like a child deprived by an adult' (p. 10).

Her Step 4: what does this [picture] remind me of? brought to mind a number of potent associations. Wanting to dance at dances but not being asked; the special meaning that dancing seemed to have for her; her father's account of how he had fallen in love with her mother while dancing with her.

But Muriel concluded that she couldn't find the hidden feeling so she went back to Step 3: what else did you feel? Briefly she tracked down the feeling to shame. She was ashamed of this desire to dance. The feeling was strong enough for her to cry but it lasted only a minute. The anger at her husband had left after the feeling of shame had taken over.

She felt much relieved and lighter so she moved to the final step (Step 5) Look for the pattern. The pattern is, whenever she feels the desire to dance she is secretly ashamed of it.

She didn't analyse this incident much further than this but she did discuss it with her husband. She cautioned that it's not always wise to discuss the hidden feeling with the person directly involved but she wanted him to know about it because the situation was sure to arise again. He assured her that his unwillingness to dance with her at times in the future would not be evidences that he was rejecting her.

She did report that the urge to dance did arise in her at a later date after her husband had had a very, large meal. He didn't want to dance because the dance style did not suit his stomach feelings. Although she felt the shame feeling it didn't trouble her as much.

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LeavingHouse: EstablishingAnother

Everyone will tell you that moving house is difficult. And the older you are and the longer you have been in the house you are moving from adds to the difficulty both of external organising and internal adaptation.

We've just moved some weeks ago to be closer to adult children and grandchildren after over 32 years in a picturesque, bush area next to a mountain range. Also we had decided that caring for a larger block was not going to be viable as we got older particularly as I, for one, was not a gardener (and don't even like the t-shirt).

It's interesting to note the stages each of us has gone through. My initial reaction was not a happy one then finally more settled as we got closer to the actual going; however, on getting into the new place I slumped into a low low which has taken a while from which to recover. Elizabeth did not any feeling feeling of wanting to leave at all but has subsequently adapted very well to the new situation and setting.

Home making is a skill she has and that I lack.

We've had the problems that must beset all new home-makers I think and some I think few confront. I managed to lock us inside our new home for example! .........Don't ask!

Part of being in a new house is establishing a rhythmic routine that is not boring but is not too frenetic in pace either.

Moving disrupts lives significantly and can take some people a long time to recover them-selves. That prosaic remark raises the issue of the self that is changed when a person moves house. We like to think we are somewhat self-contained but not so. All our significant relationships with people are changed with the new distances between us and them; and the new people that come into our lives change our identity too.

It is no small matter to shift house. All changes of this type will affect the movers to varying degrees: those prone to anxiety and depression (like me) will find it much harder to adapt and get settled.
See an excellent NYT article at http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/28/realestate/28cov.html?pagewanted=1.